Recognizing Depression in Men

Men are often overlooked when it comes to the discussion of depression. As a wife, daughter, and therapist, it’s important to me that I am aware of the signs of depression in men and to spread education on the topic to my readers.

It’s a common belief that more women suffer from depression than men, but this is actually not the case. In fact, men commit suicide in far greater numbers than women. Why? Men often do not receive help for their depression and there are several possible reasons.

• Failure to Recognize Symptoms. Men may exhibit some symptoms of depression differently than women, making it less recognizeable to family and friends, and even doctors.
• Men Are Less Likely To Seek Help. There is still reluctance by many men to seek help for depression. This could be because they see it as a weakness, they are hesitant to admit they need help, or maybe they are reluctant to make the financial or time sacrifices it takes to commit to therapy.
• Less Awareness. As I mentioned above, most people think of depression as a female problem and we are not educated on the symptoms and statistics of male depression.

So now that we’ve established there is a lack of awareness about male depression, what are the symptoms of depression in men? Men will often exhibit inappropriate anger, an increase in substance use, and will often spend a great deal of time away from home and family (escapist behaviors).

The Uplift Program has a comparison of the male and female symptoms of depression:

SYMPTOMS IN MEN	SYMPTOMS IN WOMEN
Blames others	Tendency to self-blame
Anger, irritability, ego inflation	Feels sad, apathetic, worthless
Feels suspicious, guarded	Feels anxious, frightened
Creates conflict	Avoids conflict
Restlessness and agitation	Slows down, nervousness
Compulsiveness	Procrastination
Sleeps too little	Sleeps to much
Becomes controlling	Difficulty maintaining boundaries
Shame (eg. sex performance)	Guilt
Fear of failure	Problems with success
Becomes over status-conscious	Assumes low status
Self-medicates through alcohol	Self-medicates through food
Over use of internet/TV/email	Withdrawal

How To Help:

So what you do if you believe you are depressed (men and women)?

1. Talk to your doctor. I always, always recommend talking to your doctor as soon as possible. Tell them your symptoms, how long you have had them, and how severe they are and have become.
2. Exercise. Physical activity releases endorphins that improve mood and increase self-confidence. See how in this article.
3. Eat well. Believe it or not, food plays a role in mood. It will not cure depression, but every positive life change helps!
4. Seek counseling. Even if your doctor prescribes medication, studies show that medication combined with therapy will give the best results.
5. Seek support from loved ones. When you are depressed, you can feel very much alone, defeated, hopeless, and fatigued so having a support system in place is key.

References:

Mayo Clinic

About.com

Suboxone

Uplift Program

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Boys Need Men, and Other Lessons I Learned From the Elephants!

Years ago, my dad shared this CNN story with me, South Africa Reins In Its Young Elephants. I found it such a fascinating story and wonderful analogy for our young men today, that I continue to reference it all these years later. Please read the story for yourself, but I can share a summary.

The Story of the Elephants

The CNN story, written by Dean E. Murphy in 1998, is about a group of wild elephant bulls on a game reserve in South Africa. The elephant bulls, considered teenagers in elephant years, were being extremely aggressive. The elephant bulls were terrorizing the reserve by killing rhinos and chasing off safari visitors. One man even lost his life to one of the aggressive, young elephants. I can just imagine the chaos!

Reserve officials were perplexed by the strange behavior of the elephants and began contemplating the reasons for this behavior and possible solutions. You see, these elephants were orphaned at a young age and relocated to this reserve. It turns out, there were no older elephant males on the reservation. Officials determined that the male elephants had no role model for appropriate behavior.

The park finally introduced a handful of elder elephants to the area. At the time the story was written, the unruly behaviors of the elephant bulls had already decreased significantly. Wow, even the animals learn from their elders!

The Lessons:

Children Need Positive Role Models. I’m not the first person to tell you how much it means that you model good behavior for your children, boys and girls! They watch our every move and listen to our every word!

More Boys Need Men In Their Lives. I see more and more young boys in my therapy office without this male figure in their life. These boys yearn for their father and appear to be seeking guidance from anywhere they can. Moms serve a precious and irreplacable role in their lives, but they can’t serve as the male figure. William Bennett, a blogger with CNN Opinion, wrote in his article Why Men Are In Trouble, “For boys to become men, they need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example and correction. It is true in all ages.”

We Can Learn From Our Elders. I think today we really do not place enough value on learning form our elders. Whether we are young or middle-aged, our elders can teach us a lot about life. When I was pregnant with my first child, I read many books, hoping to be prepared for this new chapter in my life. When my baby finally arrived, I found the most valuable lessons came from my mother, my aunt, my grandmother, and my friends. Their experience taught me more than any book I read! Our younger generations are facing life today with the same mentality… learn what you need to from the internet. Unfortunately, there is so much more we can teach them. But first, we have to teach them to value the lessons what we have to offer.

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